I Miss You

Dear babies:

It's been three months now. In two hours, it will have been twelve weeks since Moose died so suddenly, and in four hours, it will have been twelve weeks since Ox took his last breath, his head on my cheek.

I realized this while I'm sitting here, buried in Biology. I had just begun to feel overwhelmed, when suddenly, my thoughts changed from adenylylcyclase and phospholipase C and cAMP and PKA and PKC and all of the things that were starting to drown me in their complexity.. they changed to the day that I lost you, and how deep the pain was. My heart began to ache and I could feel tears welling in my eyes, and I was wondering why such a reaction was occurring, why all of a sudden I would be reminded of you. I remembered vividly how deeply I grieved your lose, how powerful your deaths were in my life.. was it you? Were you with me just now? Did you feel how overwhelmed I felt and how exhausted? I'm thinking of you, babies. This is all part of the big plan. You are my inspiration. Your pictures are on my wall, babies. I love you so deeply.. I miss you so much. I know Miss Chica is up there with you.. know that I love all of you so much, and that losing you still hurts.

Love,

- M

Final Scene

Beautiful babies;

Eleven days ago, your mommy went home with her own new mommy and daddy. She is going to live the life that she has deserved since the beginning.. good night, sweet babies. Look over your mommy for me.. she did so much for you. She tried her best, she really did.

And by the way, I saw a movie today that reminded me an awful lot of you -- it was about parenting, and how society's standards have really set children off on the wrong foot in life.. and I thought about you.. and how you came into this world, and I prayed with all of my heart and soul for you to survive; how you were taken from me, and how crushed I am.. and then, I recall how much you changed my life, and the course that my life has taken since your passing. You came into this world, served your purpose, and left it. You served your duty here on this planet, and the Lord beckoned you back. Fly on angel wings, babies - I'll do my part down here.

Love,

- M

Not in Vain

Dear Beautiful Babies:

You would be six weeks old today. 

It's been a little over a month since Moose and Ox joined their siblings on Rainbow Bridge. My heart still aches for you. So many people did you wrong, and yet, if only one had taken their time to provide you with proper care, you could have survived. You would be learning to sit now, learning to potty outside. You would be barking and running and jumping and playing. You would be the talk of the town - eight gorgeous babies, so full of life, so spirited and smart.. But instead, you are eight of the millions that die every day. You are a drop in the bucket. But I will not let you die in vain. Justice will be served - those who are responsible for your deaths may never know the grief and agony they have caused, but I can prevent babies like you from dying in the future.

I leave for college today - I'm majoring in Biochemistry. I am going to be a veterinarian, sweet boys -- and as a vet student, I am going to do a research project about Fading Puppy Syndrome. Something could have been done to save you, I am sure of it. Some vaccination, some treatment, some mix of magic and love.. The rescue vet told me to just "keep [the puppies] warm and try to keep them nursing". You were too young.. but does age give you a lesser value? Because you could not yet see the world around you, does that mean your place in it was less important? What does this mean for the sightless elderly dogs of the world? Do they, too, get pushed aside in favor of the dogs who still have a long life to live?

No.

I will not let this injustice occur. I may not be able to cure Fading Puppy Syndrome, but I will give it my best. I will figure out how best to treat you - I will publish books and write for websites and magazines about how to save your lives. I will create medicines specifically for your little bodies - I will create machines to look inside of your wee systems, to see what's wrong - I will engineer a system of treatment to save your lives.

And boys, on the door leading to my future veterinary practice, I will have plaques bearing your names. All those who enter will know that Af, Camael, Hamon, Elijah, Gavreel, Hael, Moose, and Ox lived and died here on Earth for a reason and that their purpose will not go un-realized.

Moose and Ox, the two boys that I knew so well.. Strong names intended for two hard-fighting boys, to give them strength. Their strength held through until God beckoned to them, and said that their purpose on Earth had been served.

Af, the blonde little girl who died in my lap, named for the angel of light.

Camael, the black little girl who died in my hands, whose name means "one who sees God".

Hamon, the little black and white boy who died in my arms, named for a great, beautiful, honored prince angel in heaven.

For the three babies that died on the way from the kill shelter to the rescue:

Elijah, named for the angel of innocence.

Gavreel, named for the angel of peace.

Hael, named for the angel of kindness.

I will avenge you, babies. You have touched me, and I will touch the lives of puppies like you in your honor. I cannot wait to meet you again one day, to see you on Rainbow Bridge, grown and beautiful like you should have been on this Earth. You were robbed of your lives, but your beauty showed through your weakness..

I love you.

M

P.S.

Your mommy loves and misses you. Ask God for a little favor - see if he can't help get Miss Abby adopted into a great home? She's been through too much to sit around in a foster home now.

Also, someone I know in the West has a litter of puppies, and the runt has begun to "fade". Please watch over her, babies. If it should be her time, please show her the way to Rainbow Bridge and let her know that even over here in Virginia, tears are being shed in her name.

Lovely Miss Abby

Miss Abby is doing very, very well. (:

She is slowly learning how to be housebroken (silly girl!) -- and climbing into the recliner!

She's gaining weight and learning tricks;

she's SUCH a good, sweet girl.

She's going to make a very, very nice pet for someone special. (:

Good Night, Baby

Minutes before his seven-day milestone, little Ox lost his fight with the darkness that's been ailing all of these puppies. I was sleeping with him in my arms, and someone who I have with me to help with the puppies woke me up to say he had stopped breathing. That was at 11:59pm.

Good night, angel boys.. I'm so sorry about your life - it's not fair. Live well on Rainbow Ridge. We all love all of you.

Heaven Has Another Angel

At approximately 9:30pm, Moose passed away suddenly. He had been drinking, whining, and walking around - I thought he'd survive.

I am heartbroken. Rest in peace, Moose. I love you.

False Alarm!

As soon as I hit "Publish Post", I heard a very sturdy, very angry squeal from behind me, and Mr. Ox drank a whole syringe of water. He's been having some trouble digesting his food, so we think mama's milk may be too rich for the puppies at this stage in their life, given how they've been raised. So, they're on a diet of sugar water and LRS subQ until Monday, when I can get the "Dyne" super-supplement that I ordered yesterday.

Have I mentioned, by the way, how SUPER SWEET Miss Abby is? I've been sleeping on the bathroom floor all morning, setting my alarm for every thirty minutes so I'll get up and feed the babies, and Miss Abby is always either on my feet or against my back or curled up on my tummy. She LOVES to be in contact with me, always. She's just so, so, so sweet. She's going to make someone a really nice little girl.

Ox

Ox is acting a little off today; he's got me worried.. He's not "talking" very much at all, and in fact, he's not moving all that much either. He's stopped swallowing (he has a little bit, but certainly not like he was last night), and if he doesn't drink something in the next thirty minutes or so, I'm going to start giving him subQ fluids, too.

This was our big Ox two days ago, I think -- being his usual silly self. He's not acting like he's "fading", but he certainly isn't acting normal, and that, of course, is enough to worry me.

Moose, on the other hand, is crying for more, more, more, and I'm happy to oblige. He seems like he's really, really trying!

Progress!

Our little Moose is a trooper!

Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, our "fading" boy is making a comeback. He's drinking and swallowing vigorously this morning; he's moving, barking, and being a puppy. He's fighting really, really hard; he has a long, tiring, uphill battle ahead of him, but something tells me this little boy has the drive to survive.

ALSO, A Guesstimate:

I was corresponding recently with a vet tech about the boys (she offers great advice and has given me many pointers, most of which have made a difference!), and she said that they sound like they were born really prematurely.. Piecing this together with the idea that they were born right around July 4th, I wonder if poor little Abby got so terrified in the shelter when the fireworks were going off that she went into labor? Just another piece to our mystery jigsaw puzzle..

HAPPY SIXTH BIRTHDAY!

Both our boys made it through the night! Ox is barking up a storm at the moment, crawling around like a little madman and trying to get out of their new "box".

The boys have a tendency to get off of their heating mat (which is CRUCIAL to their well-being; if they don't maintain a high temperature, they can't digest their food!) in the other crate (which Abby has already claimed for herself), so now they are "demoted" (I'm sure they think it's a demotion - I personally would love to live in a warm, padded picnic basket!) to a picnic basket. (:

All of these are from last night.. every minute, every hour, every extra day that these guys survive is a miracle and an accomplishment. I am so proud of them for pushing through. I can tell in the way that Ox fights to stand up (he's done it a couple of times!), to pull himself around, that he wants to live.

And Moose, my dear, you are an inspiration to us all. He's "faded" maybe three times now; if he did not have the will to live or the desire to survive, he would be dead by now. I can only provide so much - I give him everything he needs, but taking that next breath is all up to him -- no one can help him with that.

Keep trucking, Moose - you don't know how many people love you, sweet boy.

It's a MADHOUSE!

Wow, just in the past hour Moose has really perked up! He's barking and been climbing around a lot again; I think the treatments I've been using are working!! Fingers crossed for continued improvement. (:

Here our little Moose is walking around in their little enclosure (note the glasses are there to prevent the puppies from getting off of their heating pad, which doesn't quite fit the enclosure, so they have to be limited to their warm pad in order to maintain a healthy temperature!) and showing his moxy.. He LOVES to try and climb out of the friggin' enclosure; all the time, I find this puppy hanging half over the edge. I look away for two seconds, sheesh...

Did I mention I'm obsessed with puppy feet??

Update on "The Boys"

Ox weighed in at a sturdy 13 ounces this evening.

Moose weighed in at two ounces lighter, a sensible 11 ounces.

Moose had been really worrying me today - he was listless, not nursing, not swallowing, and moving very little. This evening he's barking, growling, and crawling over his brother. While he's still not swallowing as wonderfully as I'd like for him to, this is progress. He started to go downhill, he started to "fade", but with an immediate subcutaneous injection, a dab of Karo syrup on his gums, and the addition of a heat lamp to our already sweltering room, he is coming back. (:

You know what's cool? I can tell Ox is going to have a very short, fine coat, and Moose looks like he's going to have a flat-coat type look to him; a wavy, medium-length hair. (:

What handsome men they'll be.. in two hours and thirty minutes, they will have survived SIX DAYS! I'm gonna throw them a party for their one-week birthday; what a huge achievement for two little boys who have come so far..

Abby herself is not doing too great; she's eating and drinking, but she's having some serious diarrhea and seems a little lethargic. I gave her some subQ fluids earlier today, and I'll probably do that again this evening. No rest for the weary, I suppose.

Ta ta for now; the boys are napping. I suspect they'll wake up here soon and start whining for their new high-fat, high-calorie dinner (it's made out of all sorts of yummy stuff!). (:

Introduction

Meet Abby.

Abby is at least six months old, and no older than a year. A good guesstimate is eight months. She is a gorgeous, playful, intelligent little girl with a lot of bad in her short life here on Earth.

Abby somehow ended up at a very scum-of-the-Earth shelter in Virginia; and she went on the euthanasia list pretty quickly.. you know, black dogs just aren't adoptable. Well, surprise surprise, Miss Abby had EIGHT babies in the shelter sometime around Independence Day.

And sometime between then and July 7th, a cruel and careless kennel worker hosed down the kennel that contained young Abby and her newborn babies .. with them still inside of it. With no one to dry them off and no one to help Abby keep them all warm, the babies immediately began to deteriorate.

On July 8th, salvation came. Abby and her babies were transported from the kill shelter to a nearby rescue, where a foster home was waiting for them. En route, three of the eight puppies died.

Once in her new foster home, Abby immediately began to feel better - good food and fresh water and a warm bed and soft, loving hands can do a world of good for a tired momma. Unfortunately, not more than an hour after arriving at their new foster home, the runt of the litter, a small white little girl, couldn't hold on any longer, and passed away cradled in her foster mom's arms.

That night, the second little girl, a black and white beauty, slipped away in her sleep, blissfully unaware of her little body's inability to continue. Three little boys were left.

On July 9th, Abby and her litter were rushed to the vet clinic for evaluation - could nothing be done to save the remaining puppies, who seemed to be growing weaker by the minute? The vet diagnosed the smallest of the three puppies with what is known as "Fading Puppy Syndrome".

"Fading Puppy Syndrome", or FPS, is a condition where, for any number of unknown (some known, but untreatable) reasons, a young puppy will begin to "fade", or slowly deteriorate and eventually die.

 The smallest of the three remaining boys, also a little black and white beauty, could no longer nurse because he was so weak. He could not swallow, and soon, he slipped away, too.

The only two that remain alive today are "Ox" and "Moose", the two black males in the litter. "Moose" is currently having a tough go of it - he is barely swallowing, but is fighting hard to survive. "Ox" has been on cruise control ever since he arrived here, at his foster home. He crawls all over the place and nurses up a hurricane. He is very strong and healthy.

Updates to come as they occur.