I Miss You

Dear babies:

It's been three months now. In two hours, it will have been twelve weeks since Moose died so suddenly, and in four hours, it will have been twelve weeks since Ox took his last breath, his head on my cheek.

I realized this while I'm sitting here, buried in Biology. I had just begun to feel overwhelmed, when suddenly, my thoughts changed from adenylylcyclase and phospholipase C and cAMP and PKA and PKC and all of the things that were starting to drown me in their complexity.. they changed to the day that I lost you, and how deep the pain was. My heart began to ache and I could feel tears welling in my eyes, and I was wondering why such a reaction was occurring, why all of a sudden I would be reminded of you. I remembered vividly how deeply I grieved your lose, how powerful your deaths were in my life.. was it you? Were you with me just now? Did you feel how overwhelmed I felt and how exhausted? I'm thinking of you, babies. This is all part of the big plan. You are my inspiration. Your pictures are on my wall, babies. I love you so deeply.. I miss you so much. I know Miss Chica is up there with you.. know that I love all of you so much, and that losing you still hurts.

Love,

- M